I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
