Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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