some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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