ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
