remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
