Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
