I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
