I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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