Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
