Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
