I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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