my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
