Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
