I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had to cum in my sink.
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