you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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