I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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