Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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