The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
