I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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