Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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