Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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