i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize