I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
