if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize