We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
