I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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