we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
