Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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