I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
