if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
