these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
