Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
