It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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