Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
