i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize