dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
