I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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