Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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