Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
