All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
