I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
