She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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