Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
