just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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