My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
