a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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