So drunk its hurt
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
