Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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