Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
