Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We left the knife in your bed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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