Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
