Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
