Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
