please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
