Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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