Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
