My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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