Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize