69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
NoShamevember. You game?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
