If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
