My dream of liquor pitchers came true
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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