Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
