capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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