I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
