I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
