Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
