I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
