so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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