my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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