Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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