I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
