If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You are a genius and a whore.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
