i love accidental penises.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
