i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My life is pants optional.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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