my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
